#LittleMissFruitCake Series http://goo.gl/Y6ApHs
As an ex serial dater, I have tons of awkward stories in my closet. I think most of us have at least one or two that have been buried in the subconscious. In light of the terrible dates we have all had, I have come to believe that there may actually be such a thing as date karma. Date Karma is when the universe dishes you one horrific date to remind you that it’s not ok to string boys along and to stop you sponging expensive dinners off the sweet innocent ones.
So let me tell you a tale about my date karma. I was scooting around Rondebosch one day when I drove passed an old friend from my post grad course, Matt. I had never had a romantic interest him but thought it might be nice to catch up as it had been about a year. So I sent him an innocent sms asking if he would like to meet up for a drink. I suggested Tiger Tiger, as these were the famous Claremont days and I knew he hung out there. I was pleasantly surprised by his reply in which he said that ‘Tiger’ was not really his thing but that he was keen for a cinema nouveau movie. I was curious as to how this well-known jock and ‘tiger’ boy had transformed into an alternative cinema goer. I messaged him back to tell him that I thought a movie was a good plan, and that I was really excited to see him.
The next week I dressed up and made myself look quite pretty. I was looking forward to seeing an old friend and felt very relaxed. Soon I heard a knock on the door so I shouted as I ran down the stairs “coming Matt!” loud and excitedly. I realised I didn’t have the keys to the front door so I poked my head through the window to tell him I was going to walk around to let him in through the gate. My happy face quickly turned pale. Standing outside, was not Matt Brown, but Matt, a total random. I had been messaging wrong boy! I had met random Matt on the Jammie shuttle in second year and had totally forgotten about him. He was a nerdy guy who used to always sit next to me and when he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out, of course I told him I was too busy. I didn’t even know his number was saved in my phone.
What was I to do!? Tell random Matt the truth about why he was now at my door and reject him again, or pretend that I wanted to see him? I ran to the gate thinking “sh#t, sh#t, sh#t this is bad!” But I decided to see it through when it turned out Matt had borrowed his friend’s car to pick me up. I couldn’t bear to embarrass him, or myself. There was no turning back.
We went to Primi after buying our cinema nouveau tickets where I was looking forward to downing a glass of wine to help loosen the mood and improve my acting skills. Low and behold Matt didn’t drink, so I pursued white wine on my own as he began to inform me how he was against alcohol. The conversation was awkward and staggered, I had nothing in common with this guy, I didn’t even know his surname. After Primi, I sat frozen through the foreign film and couldn’t concentrate on the subtitles feeling totally mortified by the fact that I was on a date with this dude, knowing he was probably loving getting his chance to have his date with me after all these years.
Afterwards, he invited me back to his house for tea and for some reason I said yes! As I sat there quietly with his weird cat on my lap, sipping herbal tea, nerdy Matt asked me why I finally contacted him and asked him out after all these years. Still shocked I blurted out some nonsense nervously. I thought by now he may have got the hint that I was not having as much fun as he was. Clearly not, because his next question was; “can I kiss you!?” It blew me out the water, I had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide and not even a good excuse to say no. I had never even been asked so politely before. Again I babbled off some pathetic excuse that made no sense at all, totally horrified by the situation I had got myself into. The ride home that night was undoubtedly the longest and most awkward 30 minutes of both our lives. I never heard from poor Matt again and don’t think I went on another date for months.